I loved her a lot and hence I left her to be free. You know that old quote which made me belive that she will return to me, because I knew my love is true. We had a on and off relation. looked platonic, din’t have sex, but yeah I wanted to make love for sure.
After a long hiatus she is back with me. I am sure again for a short time. Friends say I am a pervert, may be lustful person to be still continuing the realtion and spending time with her while there is clearly nothing for me there.
I am not sure. I don’t lust after her. I see and clearly understand that I can score better. Apart from her awesome skin (my first turn-on in any person) I don’t see why I should lust after her. Every time I feel old ashes lighting back up bright as ever. I am not sure if I am really going through this or I want to believe these.
I am sorta torn between my two personalities again. It’s not good vs devil this time, rather rational\logical vs emotional (the clear distinction has come because of Bones TV series I guess). Yeah that makes it four I guess. Anyway rational unit says I have no job there apart from staying there just to help as a good friend we have been. The emotional one says there are still chances. she might not be a keeper but she may turn into one for you though I know people don’t change for others. People change only if the situations/environment make them change.
I wanted to put this basic idea as an story with the lady (now suffering from some disease) coming back to a guy in his 40s. Lady will eventually be cured and find a guy in hospital and fall in love with to leave the protagonist. But our guy is not losing hope to meet her again and get her. Do you feel this is not a just, not good enough to end a story? Isn’t the lady being too self-absorbed to care for the guy even though she considers him the best of men, a great friend and never falls short of thank-yous. May be she never got a chance to help this guy back. may be this guy is worng in not being able to see the reality that she doesn’t want him, even though he is Mr. Perfect. Hence one may save your life, but that doesn’t mean you want to write off your life for that person. Touching reality is difficult for guys like me. Why go for real when dream is so comforting and beautiful? what if the protagonist loved waiting for the girl and serving for little while rather than look for other girls. May be the protagonist is so used to this setting that he might not be able to handle the situation of being with the lady in a long-term stable relationship anymore. :P
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion
